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January 28, 2008

A Less-Than-Ideal Life

by Shana Schutte

My brother once sent me a link to a website where visitors could tell Santa what they wanted for Christmas. All I had to do was type my wish in a little box, and viola! Santa would produce my gift.

I couldn't wait to make my request. I typed "husband" in the box, and waited while an hour glass pulsated on the screen. Within seconds, Santa reached into his bag and pulled out a picture of my mate. He was handsome, had dark hair, was in his 30s, and unfortunately--he was also asleep. I almost laughed myself off my chair, then wrote my brother and jokingly asked, "What does Santa's choice for me say about the single male population in my age range?"

Of course, I'm kidding. However, I seriously say that if I had visited Santa's website ten years ago, and if I had the chance to give him a list of specific requirements for a mate, he would have probably written me back and told me to seek a therapist. Why? Because my list of requirements for Mr. Right was longer than Santa's gift list.

Maybe you can relate to idealizing a mate. However, not only can we paint a perfect picture of a romantic interest, but we can do the same with many things including friendships, employment, work performance, or the way we'll act in social situations. Perhaps like me you've wondered what often drives us to paint an ideal picture of any area of life. If you guessed fear, you're right.

Think about it. Have you ever dreamt that your children would behave like angels while your guests watched in admiration so you could sidestep rejection? Have you ever wanted to have what you considered to be an ideal job to make sure you would avoid financial discomfort? Have you ever wanted to mold your mate into the perfect man or woman to make sure your heart wouldn't hurt?

Have you ever felt the fear related to wanting things "just right?"

Maybe you're thinking, But Shana, there isn't anything wrong with having ideals. God wants us to live lives of excellence. True. I won't argue with you there. He even wants us to do our best in all things. However, if we insist on living in a utopia, and if we will not, or cannot, accept imperfection, we'll make ourselves--and others--miserable. Why? Because God wants us to live free from the fear of failure. He also wants us to be able to give grace to others and ourselves when perfection isn't reached.

I invite you to take an evaluation of how you've responded to others lately and to yourself when life hasn't measured up to your dreams. Have you been able to give yourself grace for messing up? Have you been able to respond in patience when things don't go how you'd like? Have you been able to love even though someone close to you hasn't been everything you wanted? Is your "life-must-be-perfect list" longer than Santa's gift list? Perhaps like I did, you need to loosen up your expectations.

"...and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags...(Isaiah 64:6)

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