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October 18, 2007

Finding Satisfaction in God Through Disappointment

by Shana Schutte

Like many women, one of the deepest piercings of my heart centers around denied parental love. Because my father was never emotionally available and has passed away, the box on my list of dreams labeled "A close relationship with Dad," remains unchecked and it will always be that way this side of heaven.

In his book, The Journey of Desire, John Eldredge talks about "disowning desire"--pushing it down and denying it because hoping for something we're not sure we're going to get feels emotionally and spiritually risky.

Is that what I should do with this God-given desire that hasn't disappeared even though my dad is gone? Do I shove it down, kill it, or hope it disappears? Doings so seems impossible, especially since it's woven into the fabric of my heart by the hand of God--it's part of who I am; it's innate; it's part of being human.

Do I resign myself to being heartsick until I go to heaven because I didn't get what I needed growing up? Or can something redemptive and beautiful happen for me when my desires are unfulfilled?

God always longs to bring healing and wholeness to our lives. If I am willing, the thing in my life that has caused the greatest emotional pain can be the very reason I experience my greatest redemption of heart. My most devastating losses can push me into deeper relationship with God; I can cry out to Him and He can hold me in His bosom of grace.

That's beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for despair (Isaiah 61:3).

Does it mean I won't hurt, cry or grieve? No, but it means I'll experience comfort from Christ, rather than holding a grudge against Him for not giving me what I wanted, which drives a wedge in my relationship with God.

Every person on planet earth hasn't received something they longed for. What haven't you gotten that you desperately desire? I pray that your pain will be the reason you hold your aching heart up to Him and say--"God, do you see this desire that is ungranted? It's hurting me and I don't know what to do with it. Please use it. Let it be the reason I find a greater measure of satisfaction in You."

"If anyone is thirsty, let Him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." John 7:37-38 (NIV)

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