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November 28, 2007

Vows that Bind

by Shana Schutte

I was confident. As a veteran Royal Family Kids Camp summer counselor, I knew I wouldn't have anything to worry about. Convinced I would skate past the problems with campers so often discussed during our pre-camp training sessions, I shrugged off the camp social worker's warning, "Your camper might become emotionally distant and even volatile toward the end of the week, especially if she feels a special connection with you."

Sure, I knew the abuse and neglect that RFKC campers suffered could cause some challenging behavior, but I wasn't convinced. Nothing like this happened my other four summers. That will be something that happens to one of the other staff members, I thought. I envisioned my fifth-grade camper, Lisa and I, holding hands, singing songs, making crafts and talking about Jesus. But as the week unfolded, the social worker's admonition boomeranged and slapped me in the face. Lisa, who had been a delight, started screaming at me. "I hate you! I wish you were never my counselor!" I was stunned. Tears filled my eyes. What did I do wrong?

I searched the campground until I found my mentor, Cheryl. Like many times before, she set me straight. "Shana, don't you remember what you learned in pre-camp training? Lisa loves you and she is pulling away because she doesn'tt want to get hurt when she says good-bye."

Lisa, unaware, did what many of us do when we experience a broken heart--she made a vow. It was probably something like: "Everyone always leaves me and it hurts when I have to say good-bye. So I will just hurt them first before they hurt me." Lisa's vow was an effort to protect the place where she felt most vulnerable--her heart.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines a vow as, "an ernest promise that binds one to a specific mode of behavior."

Can you relate? Have you made a vow that is robbing the blessings from your life, just like Lisa? Perhaps you weren't abused, but perhaps you vowed to never get close to another man again because your husband cheated on you and it felt like more than you could take. Maybe you went bankrupt so you've vowed not to own anything again because you might lose it. Perhaps you grew up with a mother who made sure to tell you every day, "You're stupid." The vow? "I will never go to college because I can't cut it."

We can make vows about husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, siblings, children, money, parents, neighbors, friends, jobs, illness, secrets, sins or anything in-between. The reasons for making a vow are as different as each of you reading this, but all vows are related to one thing--self-protection. And every time time a vow is uttered from our lips and we buy into it, it binds itself around our heart and robs us of the abundant life God intended.

But there is hope.

Of course God's desire is always our freedom. Freedom from the binding power of unhealthy vows happens when we identify the lies that are fueling the vow, and replace them with God's truth. For example, Lori may have believed that she couldn't handle it one more time if someone left her. For her, rejection may have been so painful, it was easier to avoid it altogether. However, as Lori learns that she can handle all rejection with God's help, her vow will lose its power.

If you've made a vow and you know you're bound, pray and ask God to show you His truth to set you free. Your freedom is His greatest desire for you.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32, NIV).

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